Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
