I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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