okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
