"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
