What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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