I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
