you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
