part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
