I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
