Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
4 words: hood of his car
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
