Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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