Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
