anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
