We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize