Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
