3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
