I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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