Someone shit on the floor
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
