Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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