feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize