Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
