At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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