Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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