I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
