You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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