I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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