Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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