I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
