Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
