how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
