he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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