Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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