this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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