is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
