I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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