cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
