Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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