Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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