What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
