omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize