Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
