I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
