Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
