I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
