At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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