i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
