My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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