I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
