I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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