I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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