it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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