As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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