I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
