areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
