I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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