I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
