I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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