it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
