Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
