Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He better not be in your backpack
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
