took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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