Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
