I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
